Mike has written a total of 1,343 reviews with an average rating of 5. Mike particularly liked Fight Club (1999), Se7en (1995), Snatch (2000), Gladiator (2000), V for Vendetta (2005), The Matrix (1999), The Corporation (2003) and Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father (2008).
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Stand By Me (1986) - 6/10
I first watched this as a kid and the idea of going looking for a dead body was fascinating to me. So I absolutely adored it back then. And the swamp scene made such a huge impact on me that I've never, truly, got over. It seems a bit dated nowadays and the friendships portrayed seem a little cringe, but friendships at that age are a little cringe, aren't they? Now in my 40s, I guess I've forgotten what it was like to be that age. Therefore, for me, after all these years, it's lost a bit of its magic. But, to be fair, haven't we all.
The Platform 2 (2024) - 3/10
I liked the first one of these but this one is terrible. I guess it was good because it was original, something you don't see all that much. But, of course, by their very nature, sequels aren't original; that's sort of the point. So yeah, swerve this one, perhaps. It'll only make you hungry anyway.
Alien: Romulus (2024) - 5/10
My expectations for this were low because everything is shit nowadays, isn't it? But especially so modern sequels to old classics. And even more so when you loved the original(s) so much. Doubly so when you first saw them before you even entered your teens, as I did. I wish these pricks would just leave things be. I'm sick of modern Hollywood pulling out a classic from the archives and using a phallic-shaped object to jam it through the modern cinema grinder and seeing what mess comes out the other side. They're doing the same with Gladiator, too. So fuck Ridley Scott, twice over. That'll be shit as well. Motherfucker must need another beach side condo to whittle away the last of his 80s in or something. I know we all love the idea of a new Aliens film and have wondered for years what a sequel to Gladiator or
The Iron Claw (2023) - 7/10
What's Zac Efron done to his face? He looks like he's been injecting those synthetic xenobiotic growth hormones meant for cattle and it's gone directly to his jawline. Once you get past the former pretty boy who's had his face redrawn as a classic comic-book hero, you'll actually quite like this, I reckon. I didn't know anything about the Von Erich family before watching this, which is funny because I was into wrestling when I was a kid. Although, I suppose, I was a kid, and kids generally don't know shit. Once I became a teeneger, I stopped watching wrestling and got into girls, unlike your weird childless uncle who still regularly stays up 'til 4am to watch it. Fucking weird, them fellas.
Longlegs (2024) - 7/10
This is actually very unsettling. The first hour or so was great but those levels weren't quite maintained by the end. I liked it though because it's different to most films, I reckon. I don't watch many horrors nowadays because 99% of them are utter turd, but the reviews for this were good so I gave it a chance. And I'm glad I did. If you'd told me afterwards that it was directed by David Fincher, I'd have believed you. It has that feel to it. So if you're into his stuff, you'll like it. And if you're not into his stuff, the fuck is wrong with you? His stuff is superb. He's due another film out soon actually. Wonder what he's been up?
The Running Man (1987) - 7/10
There's an argument to be made that this is the most 80s film ever made. I know that's a big, big shout, but you know what I mean. For a start, it's got fucking prime Arnie in it, and no-one encapsulates the 80s as much as he does. It's also dystopian, talks about people's obsession with TV, has loads of silly outfits and excellent deaths, and has plenty of daft one-liners, explosions and comedy. It's one of those that just immediately drags me back into childhood. Put it on for some random 15-year-old today and they may say it's shite, but fuck them and their stupid hair. What do they know? It is of a time and for a particular generation, and when you're one of the lucky few - like me - who cares what anyone else thinks?
A Quiet Place: Day One (2024) - 5/10
Never known a cat to play such a major part before. And I fucking hate cats. Never expected it to be as good as the others once I found out that a whole new set of people were behind it, and I was right. The best part about A Quiet Place 2 was the first 20 minutes when the aliens land, so this should have just been that but five times over from five different cities in the world. That would have been a much better watch. Imagine 20 minutes of them fucking people up in as they partied in the Tokyo nightlife followed by 20 minutes of them fucking people up as they eat lunch in London followed by 20 minutes of them jumping from gondola to gondola fucking people up in Venice. No story arc, no heroes, no character development and certainly no fucking love story. Sign me the fuck up to that.
The Holdovers (2023) - 4/10
This is exactly what I expected it to be which, generally, isn't a bad thing, but my expectations were low, which almost certainly is. I do like Paul Giamatti but his presence usually means it's a certain type of film. And that type of film isn't for me, although others would disagree. So yeah, if you like him and his films then crack on. If you don't then maybe just lash Aliens on again instead.
Facing Monsters (2021) - 5/10
This is very slow for the most part and only really gets interesting towards the end. I also feel they could have made it much more interesting by doing a bit more around the accident itself. The accident sort of just happens and we move on quickly from it. A shame.
Foxtrot (2017) - 6/10
The best thing about this film is the performance of the actor who plays the father. It's incredible. The film itself is interesting enough but a bit mad in the way that some foreign films can be. I was also pretty disappointed with the ending, so whilst it gains a point due to the father's performance, it loses one because of that.
All of Us Strangers (2023) - 4/10
I really like Paul Mescal and he's great in this too. I had no idea what to expect and, to be fair, I'm just as unsure as to what went on even after seeing it, hence the low score. It's a crazy film but one which I'm pretty sure I'll watch again at some point.
Close (2022) - 6/10
This is about the responsibility of friendship. About love and tenderness. And guilt. It's about peer pressure and coming of age. It's about how others see you and about how you see yourself. It's about parenting and tragedy and how it is always just around the corner. And I'm guessing that'll sound pretty gay to most of you, so maybe give it a miss. I liked it, for the most part, but couldn't recommend it too heartily to most of my friends or I'd be ridiculed, which is a convenient coincidence to the issues raised in it.
The Beasts (2022) - 6/10
The main character is this film stands out for two reasons. The first is that he's the farmer who Colonel Hans Lander terrorises in the opening scene to Inglorious Basterds, which, if you ask anyone with even a dash of movie knowledge will tell you is one of the greatest scenes in cinema history. The second special thing about him - and I use special in a very roundabout away - is that he looks a lot like my older brother. Sort of like the offspring of a silverback and a human. Let's be honest, who really knows what Jane Goodall got up to in the mountains of Tanzania? The 60s were a wild time for sexual, cultural and scientific expermentation? Who's to say she didn't get a chimpanzee high on LSD and let it have her way with her? Not me for sure. Although I'm definitely not saying for sure that it happened either, just in case her lawyers are reading this. But yeah, worth a watch. The film I mean; not human/ape mating videos, although you can find anything on the Internet these days.
Sound of Freedom (2023) - 5/10
This could be the latest in a long line of based-on-a-true-story type films that should, really, just be called How Boss Are Americans Though? God knows what number we'd be up to by now but there would be even more of these than there is in the Too Fast Too Furious franchise.
Late Night with the Devil (2023) - 6/10
I enjoyed this for the most part. It's reminded me of Ghost Watch from back when I was a kid. That, like this, got stupid at the end but that, unlike this, was delivered to the brain of a 10 year old who thought it was real. And therefore, that, unlike this, absolutely fucking terrified me. Still, it's pretty well done and is worth a watch.
Anatomy of a Fall (2023) - 6/10
I like mad foreign films and this is one of them. It's not particuarly mad but it definitely is foreign. Although there's plenty of English spoken too. So maybe not too mad and not too foreign. So actually, I'm talking absolute gubbins, mate. Anyway, I enjoyed it. I won't say too much about the story itself but basically some fella falls off a balcony and they have to determine if he fell, jumped or was pushed. A good bit of it is based inside the courtroom, so if that ain't your jam, then maybe don't bother.
Road House (2024) - 4/10
Ridiculous, but it's meant to be, I suppose.
Poor Things (2023) - 2/10
I put this on and literally said to myself outloud, "Let's see how long I last." The answer was 11 minutes. It nearly went off at eight minutes but I thought that would be unfair. Once Emma Stone (who's real name is Emily, don't you know?) started talking, my patience quickly dwindled. If you're a certain type of person - you know... one of those - then you may well enjoy it. Or, at least, tell yourself you did, so you can come across all edgy and whatnot. But I'm not one of those people. I'm not sure why I even put it on but I'm willing to give most things a chance. At least now I can be comfortable in my ignorance, knowing I didn't just immediately dismiss it.
American Fiction (2023) - 6/10
I don't feel like I can even review this properly because it's about the black experience. Well, the experience of a black man fighting against black stereotypes. I've only ever blackfaced once as Mr T back when I was nine years old and I pray for the sake of the political career that I'll never, ever have that those photos don't surface. Although, how much responsibility can you put on a nine-year-old, really? Exactly, you prick. Anyway, I did laugh out loud at this a few times and, of course, Jeffrey Wright is superb. I wouldn't exactly recommend it to people, but it wasn't bad either.
Dune: Part Two (2024) - 7/10
I was so incredibly excited to see this film. Probably the most excited I've been about seeing any other film ever, because the first was just so good. I went on opening day because of fucking course I did, and so no-one had spoiled it in any way for me. However, it went some way to spoiling itself, I discovered. Don't get me wrong; it's a good film and visually it is stunning, but the pacing is all off. The first hour is too slow and the rest is too rushed. Too many assumptions are made, I feel, about what the audience knows. I haven't read the books, mate, I don't know why [ Redacted to avoid spoilers ] or why [ Redacted to avoid spoilers ]! Seems like most other people enjoyed it though, so maybe I'm the problem. Maybe my ex-wife was right. But maybe fuck her and, you know what, maybe fuck you too.