Funny film reviews written by you!

Mike has written a total of 1,206 reviews with an average rating of 5. Mike particularly liked Fight Club (1999), Se7en (1995), Snatch (2000), Gladiator (2000), V for Vendetta (2005), The Matrix (1999), The Corporation (2003) and Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father (2008).

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Amy (2015) - 7/10

This is the story of how a troubled girl gets thrust into the limelight much too quickly, before she was anywhere near ready, and how she then fell in with the wrong crowd. The wrong crowd being her boyfriend and eventual husband Blake. He really is a piece of shit and I hope he gets the most severe form of arsehole cancer. He introduced her to drugs which, along with the years of abuse her body suffered from bulimia and alcohol abuse, ultimately killed her at just 27. And what a loss to the world it was because she was immensely talented. All in all, a very sad story.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, September 23, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Broken Circle Breakdown (2012) - 6/10

You have to be very careful about who you have kids with. We all mostly know that before we do it but still many of us get it wrong. This film is all about that. It's about how people change as they grow up and about how the death of a child can change someone beyond measure, and how often it's the parents' relationship that is mostly tested. And sometimes, ultimately, it fails. It's a sad story but one that would usually be right up my alley. For some reason this one didn't hit the sweet spot for me and I can't exactly put my finger on why. If misery is your thing, you may want to give it a go; otherwise, maybe don't bother. The soundtrack is a belter though and is the best thing about the film.

Posted by Mike on Friday, September 17, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Stillwater (2021) - 6/10

Spent most of this film fairly distracted for the following two reasons. Firstly, the main actress looked a lot like someone and I couldn't decide who. It's either a local newsreader or my mate's wife. Decided it was a slightly-more-attactive-than-either mixture of the two. Secondly, Abigail Breslin - whom for years has been cast as the little kid in absolutely everything - has now grown up and is fairly good looking. This didn't sit well with me because I remember her mostly for being a child and now, all of a sudden, my dick has an opinion of her - and of her tits - which just seemed wrong. Still, it was entertaining enough. Matt Damon plays the emotionally useless dad role perfectly too.

Posted by Mike on Friday, August 13, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Winter Sleep (2014) - 4/10

This is a fucking long ass film. At one point I stopped it to see how long was left only to discover that - after one hour and 25 minutes - there was still one hour and 50 minutes to go! And there is so - and I mean SO(!) - much dialogue. That's normally right up my street but not when it's all in Turkish. Could I really sit through all that time with my eyes glued to the screen in case I missed something crucial in the constant chatting? I was enjoying the story to some degree but it was giving me a headache, so off it went.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, August 12, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Demolition (2015) - 5/10

This film started in disappointment - by not even showing the car crash - and continued on in that vein. I mean come on, Final Destination has been delivering quality death scenes for fucking years now; at least show us a good MDK. Jake Gyllenhaal is generally in good films but he's let himself down here. The idea of the film - a man suffering with the loss of the young wife in a car crash - sounded great to me but it didn't deliver.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, August 10, 2021 / imdb / amazon

In a Better World (2010) - 8/10

This is about bullying and friendships and grief and despair and parenting and all the pressures of life, for teenagers and adults. It absolutely terrifies me because I've got two boys myself and it's scary how quickly they can drift from your circle of trust. One minute you're their hero and next thing they're telling their mates how much of a dickhead you are. Also, the main kid in this is the spit of Steven Gerrard; he even has that same serious frown on his face the entire time. It's pretty distracting how much they look alike actually.

Posted by Mike on Monday, August 9, 2021 / imdb / amazon

A Few Good Men (1992) - 8/10

Demi Moore was fit wasn't she? You know, with them tits and that. And in uniform too and being all stubborn. Oof. Yes, sir. Yes, sir, two bags full. Not that you get to see her tits in this but the subtle suggestion that they are there bursting through the bra beneath the blouse of her officer's uniform is enough. Oh, stop teasing me. Cruise - once again, in effect, playing the Maverick role - is superb too, although Jack Nicholson steals the show despite being in only three scenes.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, August 5, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Custody (2017) - 6/10

This is the uplifting story of divorce, custody battles, picking sides, anger, crying, fighting and distress for all involved. It's a real family film, if you know what I mean. With some very difficult to watch scenes, it certainly delivers on what is suggested throughout. The message here is fairly simple; be very fucking sure about who you have kids with. And even then, you may still be fucked.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, August 4, 2021 / imdb / amazon

You Don't Know Jack (2010) - 6/10

This is the story of Jack Kevorkian, a doctor who was very much in favour of euthanasia and even conducted many physician-assisted suicides. He risked his freedom to help people who wanted to die before their illnesses got any worse at a time when it was very much frowned on - and, in fact, a crime - in the US. That assisted suicide is legal in a handful of states now is largely down to his work. Not exactly a barrell of laughs but there you go.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, August 3, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Palm Springs (2020) - 6/10

This is basically Groundhog Day but based in the desert and with a much better looking cast. Cristin Milioti especially does it for me. She looks a bit like a bug; a very good-looking bug at that. Her eyes are much too big for her head and the same could be said for her mouth and teeth, which, to be honest, are the bits of the face I'm most interested in. Plus she's only small, which also does it for me. Knowing I can easily overpower a woman definitely tingles my bajingles.

Posted by Mike on Monday, August 2, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Precinct Seven Five (2014) - 6/10

There are bent coppers who turn a blind eye and take a little off the top and then there is the likes of Michawl Dowd who are criminals first and foremost and police officers second. It's incredible what he got away with but even more incredible that he even had the balls to do many of them in the first place. And this sort of thing probably still goes on the world over, too.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, July 28, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Train to Busan (2016) - 6/10

You've heard of snakes on a plane? Well this is zombies on a train. And they're what I would call proper zombies, not the aimless shifting around uninterested types. These are the ultra agressive, want-to-rip-your-throat-out types. If zombies are your thing, you'll enjoy it.

Posted by Mike on Monday, July 26, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Mauritanian (2021) - 6/10

I'm getting a bit sick of seeing this guy in everything nowadays. It would seem any time you need a brown fella then he is the Go To. He's like the Muslim Will Smith. Bravo to this agent, I reckon. Anyway, in this he plays a guy who finds himself in Guantanamo and in it we discover exactly what he did - or rather, didn't do - to get there. Obviously there is loads of torture and loads of subsequent forced confessions and, of course, it's based on a true story because they actually did all those disgusting things to people. Americahhhh, fuck yeah!

Posted by Mike on Thursday, July 22, 2021 / imdb / amazon

There Will Be Blood (2007) - 7/10

This is a film about a man who keeps getting woken up from his drunken slumber with bad news. He's an oil man, which means he's an expert at digging holes, most of which he does whilst looking for oil. He's also a horrible, horrible man and a terrible father. But, you know, power and money etc. Like many of his films, this is worth watching just to see Daniel Day-Lewis do his thing. For a guy who has only ever been in 21 films, the fact that he has won the Leading Role Oscar in three of them is fucking preposterous.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, July 21, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Honey Boy (2019) - 6/10

Shia LaBeouf is obviously a fucking nutcase; the type of nutcase that is the product of dysfunctional parenting and that's what makes him perfect for this film because that is what this film is about. About how easily, as a parent, you can fuck up your kids. It's scary, to be honest. This, actually, was written by La Boeuf and is basically a biographical account of much of his own childhood. Which explains why he does such a good job with the role of the father because he's lived with it his whole life.

Posted by Mike on Monday, July 19, 2021 / imdb / amazon

News of the World (2020) - 5/10

Wasn't expecting much from this because generally stuff set in the far past usually doesn't tickle my balls in the same way that present day set stuff does. It was alright, like. Basically just show much of a dangerous place America was back in the day, when everyone had a gun and you were always likely to be shot up just for eyeballing someone in the wrong way... Much like it is today.

Posted by Mike on Friday, July 16, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Our Friend (2019) - 7/10

This is the incredibly sad and true story of a young mother who dies from cancer. But wait, it gets funnier. A friend of the couple from college moves in to live with them to help out with the kids whilst they are occupied with her illness. This shit happens to people all over the world every day and it is sad as fuck. If you have kids or have suffered loss of a loved one in a similar way - which, let's be honest, is most of us - this will probably bring you to tears. I think it's fair to say that I speak for all of us when I say, "Fuck cancer."

Posted by Mike on Saturday, July 10, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Cape Fear (1991) - 6/10

The moral to this story is that you should always do your best when doing your job because, if you don't, some mad bastard might try and murder your family. It was made around the time when both De Niro and Scorcese were at their absolute peaks but, watching it now, it hasn't aged the best. All the camera tricks, blur outs, fades, walking at the camera shots and the almost constant soundtrack with suddenly extremely loud notes just make it appear terribly dated with a modern eye and ear. On a long enough timeline, everything gets old; and this film, sadly, has done that already.

Posted by Mike on Friday, July 9, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Three Deaths of Marisela Escobedo (2020) - 6/10

Mexico is fucked, mate. It truly is a failed state in which the criminals run amok. On average 10 women are killed there every day and 97% of those murders go unsolved. This documentary is just one example - amongst a sea of them - that shows how there is no justice in the world, especially in places as fucked and as corrupt as Mexico. Avoid going at all costs.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, July 6, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Other Boleyn Girl (2008) - 6/10

This is about a man who gets so bored of fucking Scarlett Johansson that he starts with Natalie Portman. I mean come on; that's the fucking dream right there, isn't it? We all know Henry VIII was a top shagger but this is probably about as historically accurate as Scientology. It's ultimately a story of how far a man will go to get his dick wet so it's no surprise that the film itself has an irregular rhythm - which is much too rushed in many places - whilst still, fittingly, building to quite the crescendo.

Posted by Mike on Monday, July 5, 2021 / imdb / amazon

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