Funny film reviews written by you!

Mike has written a total of 1,156 reviews with an average rating of 5. Mike particularly liked Fight Club (1999), Se7en (1995), Snatch (2000), Gladiator (2000), V for Vendetta (2005), The Matrix (1999), The Corporation (2003) and Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father (2008).

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The King of Staten Island (2020) - 6/10

I'm a big fan of Bill Burr so it's no surprise that he was the best thing about this, for me. Marisa Tomei is always worth a look too but age is slowly getting the better of even her. The lead character annoyed me throughout and although I can see why they cast him in that particular role, he just wasn't convincing enough for me.

Posted by Mike on Monday, February 15, 2021 / imdb / amazon

My Octopus Teacher (2020) - 8/10

This poor bastard falls in love with an octopus and then has to watch as she flees sharks trying to make her their lunch. I'm not normally one for love stories, certainly not the type that include tentacles, but I do know there is a market for them out there given that there's an entire sub-genre of manga dedicated to them. Anyhow, this is about human connection, feeling lost and finding yourself, and, also, about the intelligence of animals. It's not even on that long so you really don't have an excuse.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, February 9, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Human (2015) - 8/10

This is a fascinating insight into the human condition, how we live, the emotions we feel and the events that shape us into the people we become. It is full of wisdom from people of many different backgrounds; the way we treat each other, the violence we inflict on one another, the ways we love each other and the motivation for our actions. It goes a long way to show how different life is for people around the world, how much of a weird and wonderful bunch we are and it really puts into perspective how small a part each of us plays. If one film could explain to future aliens how we lived on this planet during our short occupation, this would be it. John Doe said it best in Seven; what sick ridiculous puppets we are and what a gross little stage we dance on.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, January 21, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Les Misérables (2019) - 4/10

This is what Training Day would have been like if it had been set in Paris and made on a budget of £23.76. What I mean by that is, it was shite. I turned it off about 30 minutes of three pricks driving around in cars meeting people on the street, being mean to them and making shit banter with each other. Maybe it got a lot better and maybe for anyone who has seen the whole film, a 4 might be harsh, but I just ain't got time to waste on shit films nowadays.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, January 20, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Midnight Sky (2020) - 5/10

If you're into watching George Clooney eat cereal - and I wouldn't blame you if you were - then you'll dig this. Many films nowadays move too quickly and try to pack too much in but this, I feel, goes a little too far the other way and does appear slow at times. There's nothing bad about it; it just won't blow your socks off. There's is some relief, though, that age gets us all eventually, even when you're George Clooney.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, January 19, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Tenet (2020) - 6/10

For starters, I adore Chris Nolan and would watch anything he creates. If he directed an eisode of TOWIE, I'd give it a go. However, I'm not sure where I stand with this. I loved the first hour or so but then, well, it went a bit West for me. And the last scene was just too much and went on too long, in much the same way that the last scene in Inception was too. I love that his films are clever but you can be too clever, I feel, and he might *just* be wanking himself off on screen a little more than I would like here.

Posted by Mike on Monday, January 18, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Trial of the Chicago 7 (2020) - 7/10

This is about a group of bad motherfuckers who went to Chicago to smash shit up back in the day. Or did they? Where they just peacefully protesting the war? Or did the intend to incite violence? And what have the Black Panthers got to do with it? And how is Bing Bunny's carer Flop involved? Well you'll have to watch it to find out, won't you? I enjoyed this and so did my wife, which is a turn up. Of course she ran out of the room at the violent bits and cried at the end but it wouldn't be a Saturday night without a bit of violence followed by her tears, would it?

Posted by Mike on Friday, January 15, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Free To Play (2014) - 6/10

This is about how professional gamers can earn, literally, millions of pounds for playing computer games. I know! Crazy, right? It's a good job this wasn't about when I was a kid or I might not have ever tried at school. Me and my mates used to play Sensible Soccer for money but we only ever threw a quid in each and the winner got the pot. They were the days. And it was in my mum and dad's living room and not an arena, being livestreamed to thousands around the world. But still, the competition was fierce. I sincerely hope my kids don't turn into these sorts of nerds and instead concentrate on school.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, January 13, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Eye In The Sky (2015) - 7/10

We all have to do tasks in work that we'd rather not and we all have to take instruction from a dickhead boss from time to time (fuck you, Simon!). Well this is an extreme example of both of those things. It does a brilliant job of portraying the politics of murdering people via drone and also the despair suffered by the pilots who are ultimately given the final order to engage. It sounds like a cool job but, really, blowing motherfuckers up on the otherside of the world can be incredibly testing for your morals. Who would have thunk it?

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, January 12, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Wild Tales (2014) - 8/10

This is six short stories in which people find themselves in distress and shows what could happen in common situations if people took things to the nth degree. Most are very entertaining and amusing and you should absolutely watch it. It's not currently streaming on any of the common platforms so you'll have to rent it for a small fee. Well worth your hard earned, though.

Posted by Mike on Monday, January 4, 2021 / imdb / amazon

A Time To Kill (1996) - 6/10

I recently read Matthew McConaughey's autobiography and he talks about this film being his big break. I was sure I'd seen it years ago but couldn't remember much about it so decided to rewatch it. The cast is incredible and McConaughey's performance is great when you consider how little acting he had done at that point. Not only did this film launch his career in Hollywood but he also got to snuggle up to both Sandra Bullock and Ashley Judd in it. What a lucky fucker.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, December 22, 2020 / imdb / amazon

Hotel Mumbai (2018) - 6/10

Based on the terror attacks in Mumbai in 2008, this shows how viscious the terrorists were and how horrible rich people can be in a crisis. The most concerning thing about this film is that I can recall these events actually happening and it doesn't feel like 12 years ago. I am getting fucking old, mate.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, November 25, 2020 / imdb / amazon

Stronger (2017) - 5/10

This is about a guy that goes to Boston to try to impress an ex-girlfriend but instead ends up getting absolutely legless. It's about the struggle of disability and - just as tough, if not worse - the struggle of immediate fame. The moral of the story is that if you want your girlfriend back, you've got to lose some limbs. Girls love that shit, apparently.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, November 24, 2020 / imdb / amazon

Mommy (2014) - 4/10

Children are a product of their environment, whether that's the genes they were given or the way they were raised. And some parents, unfortunately, are angry bastards who, sadly, raise more angry bastards. I got an hour into this and got fed up of all the shouting so I turned it off.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, November 12, 2020 / imdb / amazon

The Devil All The Time (2020) - 8/10

This is grim, gritty and dark and displays the absolute worst that humanity has to offer. Therefore, I loved it. Being an absolute bastard means I thoroughly enjoy seeing people suffer, even if it is all make believe. I get a hard on for the suffering of real people around the world - and, let's be honest, it's a shitty world - and it makes me feel great about my own life. So if you're like me, get on it.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, September 29, 2020 / imdb / amazon

The Invisible Man (2020) - 6/10

We all dreamed as kids of having an invisibility suit and of all the bedrooms we'd sneak into. Yeah, that's right, we're all proper little pervs as kids, you included. And let's be honest, we only get worse as we get older. Well this film is about a guy who achieves that ability and decides to sneak into his ex girlfriend's bedroom just to fuck with her. The first hour is great and it almost comes across as supernatural but it gets steadily worse from that point. Elizabeth Moss is an amazing actress and she plays the crazy lady very well.

Posted by Mike on Friday, September 25, 2020 / imdb / amazon

Men, Women & Children (2014) - 7/10

This is actually a great film let down somewhat by the occasional narrator. I don't know if it's the accent, its inconsistency or just the way it's delivered. They could have extended the film by 15 minutes or so to explain what the voice over is saying and had an absolute belter on their hands. Anyway, as a parent to two kids, this fucking terrified me. It's all about our use of the Internet impacts the relationships we have and the choices we make. I've always been a big fan of the Internet but certain elements of it - especially for young kids who don't know better - are scary as fuck.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, September 23, 2020 / imdb / amazon

Just Mercy (2019) - 6/10

This is based on the true story of a black man being wrong convicted of a crime in the Deep South. I know, I know, we've seen it all before, but it's definitely a story worth telling. Given how horribly racist they all are down there, you might say he's lucky that he got away with just a prison sentence. And the worst thing of all is that non-Whites are still being treated like this all over America.

Posted by Mike on Monday, September 21, 2020 / imdb / amazon

Midway (2019) - 4/10

I couldn't even be arsed finishing this. Funnily enough I got just past the - ahem - midway point and gave up. If you're into dog fights and explosions then you'll probably enjoy this but it's very Michael Bay; all action and no substance.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, September 10, 2020 / imdb / amazon

The Handmaiden (2016) - 6/10

Korean films - like many foreign films - generally are proper films. They have originality in abundance compared to the formulaic shite produced regularly by Hollywood. I'm big on originality so foreign films always interest me and this, in many ways, is great. It does, however, go a little too far and is, to be honest, a little too all over the place, even for me. Having said that, if you've ever suffered with Yellow Fever - as I have in the past - then you'll enjoy this because there are multiple sex scenes involving two attractive Asian females - kissing, spooning, going down on each other; it's all there. So tuck in.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, September 9, 2020 / imdb / amazon

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