Funny film reviews written by you!

Mike has written a total of 1,337 reviews with an average rating of 5. Mike particularly liked Fight Club (1999), Se7en (1995), Snatch (2000), Gladiator (2000), V for Vendetta (2005), The Matrix (1999), The Corporation (2003) and Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father (2008).

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A Quiet Place: Day One (2024) - 5/10

Never known a cat to play such a major part before. And I fucking hate cats. Never expected it to be as good as the others once I found out that a whole new set of people were behind it, and I was right. The best part about A Quiet Place 2 was the first 20 minutes when the aliens land, so this should have just been that but five times over from five different cities in the world. That would have been a much better watch. Imagine 20 minutes of them fucking people up in as they partied in the Tokyo nightlife followed by 20 minutes of them fucking people up as they eat lunch in London followed by 20 minutes of them jumping from gondola to gondola fucking people up in Venice. No story arc, no heroes, no character development and certainly no fucking love story. Sign me the fuck up to that.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, July 17, 2024 / imdb / amazon

The Holdovers (2023) - 4/10

This is exactly what I expected it to be which, generally, isn't a bad thing, but my expectations were low, which almost certainly is. I do like Paul Giamatti but his presence usually means it's a certain type of film. And that type of film isn't for me, although others would disagree. So yeah, if you like him and his films then crack on. If you don't then maybe just lash Aliens on again instead.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, June 19, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Facing Monsters (2021) - 5/10

This is very slow for the most part and only really gets interesting towards the end. I also feel they could have made it much more interesting by doing a bit more around the accident itself. The accident sort of just happens and we move on quickly from it. A shame.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, June 12, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Foxtrot (2017) - 6/10

The best thing about this film is the performance of the actor who plays the father. It's incredible. The film itself is interesting enough but a bit mad in the way that some foreign films can be. I was also pretty disappointed with the ending, so whilst it gains a point due to the father's performance, it loses one because of that.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, June 11, 2024 / imdb / amazon

All of Us Strangers (2023) - 4/10

I really like Paul Mescal and he's great in this too. I had no idea what to expect and, to be fair, I'm just as unsure as to what went on even after seeing it, hence the low score. It's a crazy film but one which I'm pretty sure I'll watch again at some point.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, June 5, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Close (2022) - 6/10

This is about the responsibility of friendship. About love and tenderness. And guilt. It's about peer pressure and coming of age. It's about how others see you and about how you see yourself. It's about parenting and tragedy and how it is always just around the corner. And I'm guessing that'll sound pretty gay to most of you, so maybe give it a miss. I liked it, for the most part, but couldn't recommend it too heartily to most of my friends or I'd be ridiculed, which is a convenient coincidence to the issues raised in it.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, May 23, 2024 / imdb / amazon

The Beasts (2022) - 6/10

The main character is this film stands out for two reasons. The first is that he's the farmer who Colonel Hans Lander terrorises in the opening scene to Inglorious Basterds, which, if you ask anyone with even a dash of movie knowledge will tell you is one of the greatest scenes in cinema history. The second special thing about him - and I use special in a very roundabout away - is that he looks a lot like my older brother. Sort of like the offspring of a silverback and a human. Let's be honest, who really knows what Jane Goodall got up to in the mountains of Tanzania? The 60s were a wild time for sexual, cultural and scientific expermentation? Who's to say she didn't get a chimpanzee high on LSD and let it have her way with her? Not me for sure. Although I'm definitely not saying for sure that it happened either, just in case her lawyers are reading this. But yeah, worth a watch. The film I mean; not human/ape mating videos, although you can find anything on the Internet these days.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, May 16, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Sound of Freedom (2023) - 5/10

This could be the latest in a long line of based-on-a-true-story type films that should, really, just be called How Boss Are Americans Though? God knows what number we'd be up to by now but there would be even more of these than there is in the Too Fast Too Furious franchise.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, May 14, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Late Night with the Devil (2023) - 6/10

I enjoyed this for the most part. It's reminded me of Ghost Watch from back when I was a kid. That, like this, got stupid at the end but that, unlike this, was delivered to the brain of a 10 year old who thought it was real. And therefore, that, unlike this, absolutely fucking terrified me. Still, it's pretty well done and is worth a watch.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, May 9, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Anatomy of a Fall (2023) - 6/10

I like mad foreign films and this is one of them. It's not particuarly mad but it definitely is foreign. Although there's plenty of English spoken too. So maybe not too mad and not too foreign. So actually, I'm talking absolute gubbins, mate. Anyway, I enjoyed it. I won't say too much about the story itself but basically some fella falls off a balcony and they have to determine if he fell, jumped or was pushed. A good bit of it is based inside the courtroom, so if that ain't your jam, then maybe don't bother.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, May 8, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Road House (2024) - 4/10

Ridiculous, but it's meant to be, I suppose.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, April 25, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Poor Things (2023) - 2/10

I put this on and literally said to myself outloud, "Let's see how long I last." The answer was 11 minutes. It nearly went off at eight minutes but I thought that would be unfair. Once Emma Stone (who's real name is Emily, don't you know?) started talking, my patience quickly dwindled. If you're a certain type of person - you know... one of those - then you may well enjoy it. Or, at least, tell yourself you did, so you can come across all edgy and whatnot. But I'm not one of those people. I'm not sure why I even put it on but I'm willing to give most things a chance. At least now I can be comfortable in my ignorance, knowing I didn't just immediately dismiss it.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, March 21, 2024 / imdb / amazon

American Fiction (2023) - 6/10

I don't feel like I can even review this properly because it's about the black experience. Well, the experience of a black man fighting against black stereotypes. I've only ever blackfaced once as Mr T back when I was nine years old and I pray for the sake of the political career that I'll never, ever have that those photos don't surface. Although, how much responsibility can you put on a nine-year-old, really? Exactly, you prick. Anyway, I did laugh out loud at this a few times and, of course, Jeffrey Wright is superb. I wouldn't exactly recommend it to people, but it wasn't bad either.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, March 20, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Dune: Part Two (2024) - 7/10

I was so incredibly excited to see this film. Probably the most excited I've been about seeing any other film ever, because the first was just so good. I went on opening day because of fucking course I did, and so no-one had spoiled it in any way for me. However, it went some way to spoiling itself, I discovered. Don't get me wrong; it's a good film and visually it is stunning, but the pacing is all off. The first hour is too slow and the rest is too rushed. Too many assumptions are made, I feel, about what the audience knows. I haven't read the books, mate, I don't know why [ Redacted to avoid spoilers ] or why [ Redacted to avoid spoilers ]! Seems like most other people enjoyed it though, so maybe I'm the problem. Maybe my ex-wife was right. But maybe fuck her and, you know what, maybe fuck you too.

Posted by Mike on Friday, March 8, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Buried: The 1982 Alpine Meadows Avalanche (2021) - 6/10

This is about an avalanche that happened in California in 1982, which is strange because - a fucking WHAT in California? They don't have snow in California, you say?! Well, I'm afraid they do. Cali isn't all just beaches, tanned bodies, drug mules and Snoop Dogg, you know. It's a big fucking place and Northern California gets cold as fuck. I've been to San Francisco in May and it was a bit chilly as I was sat atop a tour bus. Was sunny, mind. Anyway, Alpine Meadows is more north than San Fran, but - what the fuck am I on about? I'm not here to teach you a fucking geography lesson. It's worth a watch, partly because we all like to think we'd know exactly how to save ourselves during, say, a fucking avalanche. Well, I've got news for you, buddy, the avalanche don't give one tiny shit abour your plans, as you'll see here.

Posted by Mike on Monday, March 4, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Barbarian (2022) - 5/10

This is about a man with the largest tape measure in the world measuring the square footage of his house and being pleasantly surprised with his findings. It's good for quite a while and has you guessing what could happen next. Then, IT happens, and you're like, fuck! It then slows down and builds again, although, it does, by the end, get very silly, but these sort of films often do. I can see why some would love it. It's not for me but it's also not terrible. Worth a watch if you're a horror fan.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, February 28, 2024 / imdb / amazon

El número nueve (2019) - 6/10

I loved Gabriel Batistuta when I was growing up. Fiorentina were my Italian team because of him. He was just such a good striker - a complete number nine - and he could proper thundertwat the ball, which is very impressive when you're nine. Purple is still my favourite colour to this day, and him and Fiorentina are probably the main reason why. Him in that purple kit with them flowing locks and the headband. What a fucking fella. Well this film is about him. About him back then and about him now, and about how fucked his ankles are nowadays due to kicking the ball dead hard for years. It's interesting enough but maybe could have been done differently, and by differently, I mean better.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, January 31, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Beau Is Afraid (2023) - 6/10

I watched this about three moths ago and I'm still trying to come to terms with it enough to write a review. I have to say, I have genuine concerns for mental wellbeing of the person who wrote this and I sincerely hope their relationship with mother has improved. It is a proper journey of a film. At the start I was laughing out loud but as it goes on, it gets real dark. I think I'm going to watch it again. It's one of those that stays with you.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, January 24, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Society of the Snow (2023) - 7/10

For starters, this is worth watching for the plane crash alone. And no, that's not a fucking spoiler, you arsehole. That's like saying talking about the ship sinking in Titanic is a spoiler. Anyway, the rest is very good, too. It portrays the mire they find themselves in so well that I actually felt cold watching it, whilst sat in my warm living room wrapped in a deluxe blanket. At one point, I felt so bad for them, I had to go and make myself a hot chocolate. When you know the story as well as most of us know this story, it's a tough job to make the film interesting enough, but it certainly does. I enjoyed it and the dubbing on Netflix was very good too.

Posted by Mike on Monday, January 22, 2024 / imdb / amazon

20 Feet From Stardom (2013) - 6/10

This is about backing singers and the importance they have played in some of the biggest songs in history, especially in the 70s. Many of these are incredibly talented and deserve as much fame and fortune as any artist you could name, but it just didn't work out that way for some. It's a reminder that sometimes talent and hard work alone just aren't enough.

Posted by Mike on Saturday, January 20, 2024 / imdb / amazon

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