Funny film reviews written by you!

Precinct Seven Five (2014) - 6/10

There are bent coppers who turn a blind eye and take a little off the top and then there is the likes of Michawl Dowd who are criminals first and foremost and police officers second. It's incredible what he got away with but even more incredible that he even had the balls to do many of them in the first place. And this sort of thing probably still goes on the world over, too.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, July 28, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Train to Busan (2016) - 6/10

You've heard of snakes on a plane? Well this is zombies on a train. And they're what I would call proper zombies, not the aimless shifting around uninterested types. These are the ultra agressive, want-to-rip-your-throat-out types. If zombies are your thing, you'll enjoy it.

Posted by Mike on Monday, July 26, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Mauritanian (2021) - 6/10

I'm getting a bit sick of seeing this guy in everything nowadays. It would seem any time you need a brown fella then he is the Go To. He's like the Muslim Will Smith. Bravo to this agent, I reckon. Anyway, in this he plays a guy who finds himself in Guantanamo and in it we discover exactly what he did - or rather, didn't do - to get there. Obviously there is loads of torture and loads of subsequent forced confessions and, of course, it's based on a true story because they actually did all those disgusting things to people. Americahhhh, fuck yeah!

Posted by Mike on Thursday, July 22, 2021 / imdb / amazon

There Will Be Blood (2007) - 7/10

This is a film about a man who keeps getting woken up from his drunken slumber with bad news. He's an oil man, which means he's an expert at digging holes, most of which he does whilst looking for oil. He's also a horrible, horrible man and a terrible father. But, you know, power and money etc. Like many of his films, this is worth watching just to see Daniel Day-Lewis do his thing. For a guy who has only ever been in 21 films, the fact that he has won the Leading Role Oscar in three of them is fucking preposterous.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, July 21, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Honey Boy (2019) - 6/10

Shia LaBeouf is obviously a fucking nutcase; the type of nutcase that is the product of dysfunctional parenting and that's what makes him perfect for this film because that is what this film is about. About how easily, as a parent, you can fuck up your kids. It's scary, to be honest. This, actually, was written by La Boeuf and is basically a biographical account of much of his own childhood. Which explains why he does such a good job with the role of the father because he's lived with it his whole life.

Posted by Mike on Monday, July 19, 2021 / imdb / amazon

News of the World (2020) - 5/10

Wasn't expecting much from this because generally stuff set in the far past usually doesn't tickle my balls in the same way that present day set stuff does. It was alright, like. Basically just show much of a dangerous place America was back in the day, when everyone had a gun and you were always likely to be shot up just for eyeballing someone in the wrong way... Much like it is today.

Posted by Mike on Friday, July 16, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Our Friend (2019) - 7/10

This is the incredibly sad and true story of a young mother who dies from cancer. But wait, it gets funnier. A friend of the couple from college moves in to live with them to help out with the kids whilst they are occupied with her illness. This shit happens to people all over the world every day and it is sad as fuck. If you have kids or have suffered loss of a loved one in a similar way - which, let's be honest, is most of us - this will probably bring you to tears. I think it's fair to say that I speak for all of us when I say, "Fuck cancer."

Posted by Mike on Saturday, July 10, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Cape Fear (1991) - 6/10

The moral to this story is that you should always do your best when doing your job because, if you don't, some mad bastard might try and murder your family. It was made around the time when both De Niro and Scorcese were at their absolute peaks but, watching it now, it hasn't aged the best. All the camera tricks, blur outs, fades, walking at the camera shots and the almost constant soundtrack with suddenly extremely loud notes just make it appear terribly dated with a modern eye and ear. On a long enough timeline, everything gets old; and this film, sadly, has done that already.

Posted by Mike on Friday, July 9, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Three Deaths of Marisela Escobedo (2020) - 6/10

Mexico is fucked, mate. It truly is a failed state in which the criminals run amok. On average 10 women are killed there every day and 97% of those murders go unsolved. This documentary is just one example - amongst a sea of them - that shows how there is no justice in the world, especially in places as fucked and as corrupt as Mexico. Avoid going at all costs.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, July 6, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Other Boleyn Girl (2008) - 6/10

This is about a man who gets so bored of fucking Scarlett Johansson that he starts with Natalie Portman. I mean come on; that's the fucking dream right there, isn't it? We all know Henry VIII was a top shagger but this is probably about as historically accurate as Scientology. It's ultimately a story of how far a man will go to get his dick wet so it's no surprise that the film itself has an irregular rhythm - which is much too rushed in many places - whilst still, fittingly, building to quite the crescendo.

Posted by Mike on Monday, July 5, 2021 / imdb / amazon

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