Funny film reviews written by you!

Bad Times At The El Royale (2018) - 6/10

You've probably stayed in a few shit holes in your time but nothing like this place I bet. The premise is great and I was really enjoying it, right up to the point where the Hemsworth showed up, with his tits out and that hair. Then it fell off quite a bit. The soundtrack, however, is superb throughout and now has me wanting to listen to acapella Motown as much as possible. It reminded me of Identity and of Clue, in that it's the meeting of a bunch of strangers and - spoiler alert - people die, so if you're familiar with either of those or if you're into meeting strangers in hotels, like me, then you'll dig it.

Posted by Mike on Monday, March 8, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The King of Staten Island (2020) - 6/10

I'm a big fan of Bill Burr so it's no surprise that he was the best thing about this, for me. Marisa Tomei is always worth a look too but age is slowly getting the better of even her. The lead character annoyed me throughout and although I can see why they cast him in that particular role, he just wasn't convincing enough for me.

Posted by Mike on Monday, February 15, 2021 / imdb / amazon

My Octopus Teacher (2020) - 8/10

This poor bastard falls in love with an octopus and then has to watch as she flees sharks trying to make her their lunch. I'm not normally one for love stories, certainly not the type that include tentacles, but I do know there is a market for them out there given that there's an entire sub-genre of manga dedicated to them. Anyhow, this is about human connection, feeling lost and finding yourself, and, also, about the intelligence of animals. It's not even on that long so you really don't have an excuse.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, February 9, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Human (2015) - 8/10

This is a fascinating insight into the human condition, how we live, the emotions we feel and the events that shape us into the people we become. It is full of wisdom from people of many different backgrounds; the way we treat each other, the violence we inflict on one another, the ways we love each other and the motivation for our actions. It goes a long way to show how different life is for people around the world, how much of a weird and wonderful bunch we are and it really puts into perspective how small a part each of us plays. If one film could explain to future aliens how we lived on this planet during our short occupation, this would be it. John Doe said it best in Seven; what sick ridiculous puppets we are and what a gross little stage we dance on.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, January 21, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Les Misérables (2019) - 4/10

This is what Training Day would have been like if it had been set in Paris and made on a budget of £23.76. What I mean by that is, it was shite. I turned it off about 30 minutes of three pricks driving around in cars meeting people on the street, being mean to them and making shit banter with each other. Maybe it got a lot better and maybe for anyone who has seen the whole film, a 4 might be harsh, but I just ain't got time to waste on shit films nowadays.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, January 20, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Midnight Sky (2020) - 5/10

If you're into watching George Clooney eat cereal - and I wouldn't blame you if you were - then you'll dig this. Many films nowadays move too quickly and try to pack too much in but this, I feel, goes a little too far the other way and does appear slow at times. There's nothing bad about it; it just won't blow your socks off. There's is some relief, though, that age gets us all eventually, even when you're George Clooney.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, January 19, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Tenet (2020) - 6/10

For starters, I adore Chris Nolan and would watch anything he creates. If he directed an eisode of TOWIE, I'd give it a go. However, I'm not sure where I stand with this. I loved the first hour or so but then, well, it went a bit West for me. And the last scene was just too much and went on too long, in much the same way that the last scene in Inception was too. I love that his films are clever but you can be too clever, I feel, and he might *just* be wanking himself off on screen a little more than I would like here.

Posted by Mike on Monday, January 18, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Trial of the Chicago 7 (2020) - 7/10

This is about a group of bad motherfuckers who went to Chicago to smash shit up back in the day. Or did they? Where they just peacefully protesting the war? Or did the intend to incite violence? And what have the Black Panthers got to do with it? And how is Bing Bunny's carer Flop involved? Well you'll have to watch it to find out, won't you? I enjoyed this and so did my wife, which is a turn up. Of course she ran out of the room at the violent bits and cried at the end but it wouldn't be a Saturday night without a bit of violence followed by her tears, would it?

Posted by Mike on Friday, January 15, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Free To Play (2014) - 6/10

This is about how professional gamers can earn, literally, millions of pounds for playing computer games. I know! Crazy, right? It's a good job this wasn't about when I was a kid or I might not have ever tried at school. Me and my mates used to play Sensible Soccer for money but we only ever threw a quid in each and the winner got the pot. They were the days. And it was in my mum and dad's living room and not an arena, being livestreamed to thousands around the world. But still, the competition was fierce. I sincerely hope my kids don't turn into these sorts of nerds and instead concentrate on school.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, January 13, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Eye In The Sky (2015) - 7/10

We all have to do tasks in work that we'd rather not and we all have to take instruction from a dickhead boss from time to time (fuck you, Simon!). Well this is an extreme example of both of those things. It does a brilliant job of portraying the politics of murdering people via drone and also the despair suffered by the pilots who are ultimately given the final order to engage. It sounds like a cool job but, really, blowing motherfuckers up on the otherside of the world can be incredibly testing for your morals. Who would have thunk it?

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, January 12, 2021 / imdb / amazon

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