Funny film reviews written by you!

The Beasts (2022) - 6/10

The main character is this film stands out for two reasons. The first is that he's the farmer who Colonel Hans Lander terrorises in the opening scene to Inglorious Basterds, which, if you ask anyone with even a dash of movie knowledge will tell you is one of the greatest scenes in cinema history. The second special thing about him - and I use special in a very roundabout away - is that he looks a lot like my older brother. Sort of like the offspring of a silverback and a human. Let's be honest, who really knows what Jane Goodall got up to in the mountains of Tanzania? The 60s were a wild time for sexual, cultural and scientific expermentation? Who's to say she didn't get a chimpanzee high on LSD and let it have her way with her? Not me for sure. Although I'm definitely not saying for sure that it happened either, just in case her lawyers are reading this. But yeah, worth a watch. The film I mean; not human/ape mating videos, although you can find anything on the Internet these days.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, May 16, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Sound of Freedom (2023) - 5/10

This could be the latest in a long line of based-on-a-true-story type films that should, really, just be called How Boss Are Americans Though? God knows what number we'd be up to by now but there would be even more of these than there is in the Too Fast Too Furious franchise.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, May 14, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Late Night with the Devil (2023) - 6/10

I enjoyed this for the most part. It's reminded me of Ghost Watch from back when I was a kid. That, like this, got stupid at the end but that, unlike this, was delivered to the brain of a 10 year old who thought it was real. And therefore, that, unlike this, absolutely fucking terrified me. Still, it's pretty well done and is worth a watch.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, May 9, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Anatomy of a Fall (2023) - 6/10

I like mad foreign films and this is one of them. It's not particuarly mad but it definitely is foreign. Although there's plenty of English spoken too. So maybe not too mad and not too foreign. So actually, I'm talking absolute gubbins, mate. Anyway, I enjoyed it. I won't say too much about the story itself but basically some fella falls off a balcony and they have to determine if he fell, jumped or was pushed. A good bit of it is based inside the courtroom, so if that ain't your jam, then maybe don't bother.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, May 8, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Road House (2024) - 4/10

Ridiculous, but it's meant to be, I suppose.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, April 25, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Poor Things (2023) - 2/10

I put this on and literally said to myself outloud, "Let's see how long I last." The answer was 11 minutes. It nearly went off at eight minutes but I thought that would be unfair. Once Emma Stone (who's real name is Emily, don't you know?) started talking, my patience quickly dwindled. If you're a certain type of person - you know... one of those - then you may well enjoy it. Or, at least, tell yourself you did, so you can come across all edgy and whatnot. But I'm not one of those people. I'm not sure why I even put it on but I'm willing to give most things a chance. At least now I can be comfortable in my ignorance, knowing I didn't just immediately dismiss it.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, March 21, 2024 / imdb / amazon

American Fiction (2023) - 6/10

I don't feel like I can even review this properly because it's about the black experience. Well, the experience of a black man fighting against black stereotypes. I've only ever blackfaced once as Mr T back when I was nine years old and I pray for the sake of the political career that I'll never, ever have that those photos don't surface. Although, how much responsibility can you put on a nine-year-old, really? Exactly, you prick. Anyway, I did laugh out loud at this a few times and, of course, Jeffrey Wright is superb. I wouldn't exactly recommend it to people, but it wasn't bad either.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, March 20, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Dune: Part Two (2024) - 7/10

I was so incredibly excited to see this film. Probably the most excited I've been about seeing any other film ever, because the first was just so good. I went on opening day because of fucking course I did, and so no-one had spoiled it in any way for me. However, it went some way to spoiling itself, I discovered. Don't get me wrong; it's a good film and visually it is stunning, but the pacing is all off. The first hour is too slow and the rest is too rushed. Too many assumptions are made, I feel, about what the audience knows. I haven't read the books, mate, I don't know why [ Redacted to avoid spoilers ] or why [ Redacted to avoid spoilers ]! Seems like most other people enjoyed it though, so maybe I'm the problem. Maybe my ex-wife was right. But maybe fuck her and, you know what, maybe fuck you too.

Posted by Mike on Friday, March 8, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Buried: The 1982 Alpine Meadows Avalanche (2021) - 6/10

This is about an avalanche that happened in California in 1982, which is strange because - a fucking WHAT in California? They don't have snow in California, you say?! Well, I'm afraid they do. Cali isn't all just beaches, tanned bodies, drug mules and Snoop Dogg, you know. It's a big fucking place and Northern California gets cold as fuck. I've been to San Francisco in May and it was a bit chilly as I was sat atop a tour bus. Was sunny, mind. Anyway, Alpine Meadows is more north than San Fran, but - what the fuck am I on about? I'm not here to teach you a fucking geography lesson. It's worth a watch, partly because we all like to think we'd know exactly how to save ourselves during, say, a fucking avalanche. Well, I've got news for you, buddy, the avalanche don't give one tiny shit abour your plans, as you'll see here.

Posted by Mike on Monday, March 4, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Barbarian (2022) - 5/10

This is about a man with the largest tape measure in the world measuring the square footage of his house and being pleasantly surprised with his findings. It's good for quite a while and has you guessing what could happen next. Then, IT happens, and you're like, fuck! It then slows down and builds again, although, it does, by the end, get very silly, but these sort of films often do. I can see why some would love it. It's not for me but it's also not terrible. Worth a watch if you're a horror fan.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, February 28, 2024 / imdb / amazon

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