Funny film reviews written by you!

The Dissident (2020) - 6/10

This is about the murder of Jamal Khashoggi. What those cunts did to him is disgusting and the way Saudi Arabia have suffered no sanctions from the international community as punishment is just as wrong. The world is absolutely fucked, mate. I think I want to get off.

Posted by Mike on Friday, April 16, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Highlander (1986) - 6/10

I adored this as a kid, largely, for some reason, because I loved the idea of chopping people's heads off. I loved the computer game Barbarian on the Commodore 64 for the same reason. A lot of my friends were the same and most of them never turned into psychopaths. I watched it again recently for the first time in years. It's absurd now, of course, but it has some classic scenes that will always be special to me. It's basically Terminator with swords, where Kurgan is Arnie and Christopher Lambert is Sarah Connor. The sheers 80s-ness of it is great but it really hasn't aged that well.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, April 14, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Threads (1984) - 6/10

I've had this film on my To Watch list for about a decade. What that means is, I've read about it somewhere - probably on a reddit movie thread - and I've added it to my list. And now, all these years later, I've finally got around to watching it. The point I'm making here is that I am incredibly faithful to my admin. The whole thing is grim as fuck and I'm surprised they showed it on TV whilst the Cold War was still going on. I bet it shit the public right up. The bomb drop scene especially - whilst rudimentary - is very entertaining.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, April 13, 2021 / imdb / amazon

I Saw The Devil (2010) - 6/10

I love a bit of violence and inflict it on my wife as often as possible. This film is one of the most violent I've seen so, of course, I very much enjoyed that side of it. However, I do have issues with it. Firstly if you catch a raping murderer for raping and murdering your girl, if you let him go there's a very good chance that he'll continue to rape and murder. Secondly, in this film - and as is often the case in life - the punishment delivered to the raping murderer just isn't sufficient given all the raping and murdering. But, yeah, decent.

Posted by Mike on Monday, April 12, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Robin's Wish (2020) - 8/10

This is about the very cruel end to Robin Williams' life. Sadly for him, he didn't know that he had dementia; just that he wasn't himself any more and that he no longer wanted to live with whatever his condition was. Told by those closest to him, it is a sad tale about an incredibly talented and much loved actor.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, April 7, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Seaspiracy (2021) - 7/10

I enjoy a fish finger butty but, let's be honest, who doesn't? Well, you certainly won't after watching this. In fact, you'll probably never eat another fish again in your life. I certainly won't be. Fortunately, I despise seafood already and I am absolutely delighted that I was right all along to shun the disgusting shite. From now on, eating seafood will be as fronwed upon as going to Sea World is, unless you're in Koh Samui and can gaurentee that a local fisherman has been out in his rowboat spear fishing since 3am to deliver it to you plate. Maybe then I'll let you off.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, April 1, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Never Rarely Sometimes Always (2020) - 7/10

If you've ever wanted to see a young girl breaking down whilst being quizzed about her sexual history and any abuse she has suffered then this is the film for you. If that doesn't float your boat then maybe the scene where she tries to self induce an abortion by punching herself repeatedly in the stomach because she's too afraid to tell her parents about her pregnancy might do it? No? Maybe give it a miss then. I like that sort of misery, so I very much enjoyed it.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, March 23, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Sully (2016) - 6/10

We all know the story of the guy who landed the plane on the Hudson river after a bird strike took out both engines. What is less known is how officials tried to blame him for what happened and tried to suggest he made the wrong decisions. Well this covers all of that, including the simulations and the heartache he endured throughout the process. I really like Tom Hanks but it's the first film of his I've seen in ages. He's done some proper shite films of late and he, unlike Captain Sully, needs to improve his decision making somewhat, although his reputation is much too solid for him to ever crash and burn.

Posted by Mike on Friday, March 12, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Bad Times At The El Royale (2018) - 6/10

You've probably stayed in a few shit holes in your time but nothing like this place I bet. The premise is great and I was really enjoying it, right up to the point where the Hemsworth showed up, with his tits out and that hair. Then it fell off quite a bit. The soundtrack, however, is superb throughout and now has me wanting to listen to acapella Motown as much as possible. It reminded me of Identity and of Clue, in that it's the meeting of a bunch of strangers and - spoiler alert - people die, so if you're familiar with either of those or if you're into meeting strangers in hotels, like me, then you'll dig it.

Posted by Mike on Monday, March 8, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The King of Staten Island (2020) - 6/10

I'm a big fan of Bill Burr so it's no surprise that he was the best thing about this, for me. Marisa Tomei is always worth a look too but age is slowly getting the better of even her. The lead character annoyed me throughout and although I can see why they cast him in that particular role, he just wasn't convincing enough for me.

Posted by Mike on Monday, February 15, 2021 / imdb / amazon

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