Tetris (2023) - 6/10
Arguably the greatest game ever made, it deserves a great film being made about it. This, whilst entertaining, isn't quite as good as I'd have hoped though. Still, it's well worth a watch, especially if you grew up playing Tetris back then, like I did. The story of its creation - and how it got into all our hands - is truly crazy; the Soviet Union back then was, indeed, a mad, mad place, and that's what makes this story even crazier.
Still (2023) - 7/10
This is about being a weird kid, about finding your niche, about what happens when you become really really famous and, crucially, about what happens when life kicks back and how you deal with the blows. Michael J Fox used to be one of the coolest dudes alive, but not any more. He's not been given the greatest hand in life, but he's done amazingly well with what he was given.
Past Lives (2023) - 6/10
This is ultimately a love story and I was led to believe that it was something much more interesting than that. I'm not into love stories, but I am into people figuring out their lives and seeing the path people choose to take. I wouldn't recommend it but it wasn't bad either. It's mostly subtitled too, which may not be your thing. How incredibly rude for a South Korean film director to make a South Korean film in South Korea using South Korean actors and for them to have the temerity to speak in their own language! Disgusting.
Navalny (2022) - 8/10
This guy is a fucking hero with absolutely monstrous balls. What he risked and the way he took on that risk is something to marvel at. It's a shame there aren't more people like him in the world. It would be a much better place if there were.
Stand By Me (1986) - 6/10
I first watched this as a kid and the idea of going looking for a dead body was fascinating to me. So I absolutely adored it back then. And the swamp scene made such a huge impact on me that I've never, truly, got over. It seems a bit dated nowadays and the friendships portrayed seem a little cringe, but friendships at that age are a little cringe, aren't they? Now in my 40s, I guess I've forgotten what it was like to be that age. Therefore, for me, after all these years, it's lost a bit of its magic. But, to be fair, haven't we all.
The Platform 2 (2024) - 3/10
I liked the first one of these but this one is terrible. I guess it was good because it was original, something you don't see all that much. But, of course, by their very nature, sequels aren't original; that's sort of the point. So yeah, swerve this one, perhaps. It'll only make you hungry anyway.
Alien: Romulus (2024) - 5/10
My expectations for this were low because everything is shit nowadays, isn't it? But especially so modern sequels to old classics. And even more so when you loved the original(s) so much. Doubly so when you first saw them before you even entered your teens, as I did. I wish these pricks would just leave things be. I'm sick of modern Hollywood pulling out a classic from the archives and using a phallic-shaped object to jam it through the modern cinema grinder and seeing what mess comes out the other side. They're doing the same with Gladiator, too. So fuck Ridley Scott, twice over. That'll be shit as well. Motherfucker must need another beach side condo to whittle away the last of his 80s in or something. I know we all love the idea of a new Aliens film and have wondered for years what a sequel to Gladiator or
The Iron Claw (2023) - 7/10
What's Zac Efron done to his face? He looks like he's been injecting those synthetic xenobiotic growth hormones meant for cattle and it's gone directly to his jawline. Once you get past the former pretty boy who's had his face redrawn as a classic comic-book hero, you'll actually quite like this, I reckon. I didn't know anything about the Von Erich family before watching this, which is funny because I was into wrestling when I was a kid. Although, I suppose, I was a kid, and kids generally don't know shit. Once I became a teeneger, I stopped watching wrestling and got into girls, unlike your weird childless uncle who still regularly stays up 'til 4am to watch it. Fucking weird, them fellas.
Longlegs (2024) - 7/10
This is actually very unsettling. The first hour or so was great but those levels weren't quite maintained by the end. I liked it though because it's different to most films, I reckon. I don't watch many horrors nowadays because 99% of them are utter turd, but the reviews for this were good so I gave it a chance. And I'm glad I did. If you'd told me afterwards that it was directed by David Fincher, I'd have believed you. It has that feel to it. So if you're into his stuff, you'll like it. And if you're not into his stuff, the fuck is wrong with you? His stuff is superb. He's due another film out soon actually. Wonder what he's been up?
The Running Man (1987) - 7/10
There's an argument to be made that this is the most 80s film ever made. I know that's a big, big shout, but you know what I mean. For a start, it's got fucking prime Arnie in it, and no-one encapsulates the 80s as much as he does. It's also dystopian, talks about people's obsession with TV, has loads of silly outfits and excellent deaths, and has plenty of daft one-liners, explosions and comedy. It's one of those that just immediately drags me back into childhood. Put it on for some random 15-year-old today and they may say it's shite, but fuck them and their stupid hair. What do they know? It is of a time and for a particular generation, and when you're one of the lucky few - like me - who cares what anyone else thinks?