The Platform 2 (2024) - 3/10
I liked the first one of these but this one is terrible. I guess it was good because it was original, something you don't see all that much. But, of course, by their very nature, sequels aren't original; that's sort of the point. So yeah, swerve this one, perhaps. It'll only make you hungry anyway.
Alien: Romulus (2024) - 5/10
My expectations for this were low because everything is shit nowadays, isn't it? But especially so modern sequels to old classics. And even more so when you loved the original(s) so much. Doubly so when you first saw them before you even entered your teens, as I did. I wish these pricks would just leave things be. I'm sick of modern Hollywood pulling out a classic from the archives and using a phallic-shaped object to jam it through the modern cinema grinder and seeing what mess comes out the other side. They're doing the same with Gladiator, too. So fuck Ridley Scott, twice over. That'll be shit as well. Motherfucker must need another beach side condo to whittle away the last of his 80s in or something. I know we all love the idea of a new Aliens film and have wondered for years what a sequel to Gladiator or
The Iron Claw (2023) - 7/10
What's Zac Efron done to his face? He looks like he's been injecting those synthetic xenobiotic growth hormones meant for cattle and it's gone directly to his jawline. Once you get past the former pretty boy who's had his face redrawn as a classic comic-book hero, you'll actually quite like this, I reckon. I didn't know anything about the Von Erich family before watching this, which is funny because I was into wrestling when I was a kid. Although, I suppose, I was a kid, and kids generally don't know shit. Once I became a teeneger, I stopped watching wrestling and got into girls, unlike your weird childless uncle who still regularly stays up 'til 4am to watch it. Fucking weird, them fellas.
Longlegs (2024) - 7/10
This is actually very unsettling. The first hour or so was great but those levels weren't quite maintained by the end. I liked it though because it's different to most films, I reckon. I don't watch many horrors nowadays because 99% of them are utter turd, but the reviews for this were good so I gave it a chance. And I'm glad I did. If you'd told me afterwards that it was directed by David Fincher, I'd have believed you. It has that feel to it. So if you're into his stuff, you'll like it. And if you're not into his stuff, the fuck is wrong with you? His stuff is superb. He's due another film out soon actually. Wonder what he's been up?
The Running Man (1987) - 7/10
There's an argument to be made that this is the most 80s film ever made. I know that's a big, big shout, but you know what I mean. For a start, it's got fucking prime Arnie in it, and no-one encapsulates the 80s as much as he does. It's also dystopian, talks about people's obsession with TV, has loads of silly outfits and excellent deaths, and has plenty of daft one-liners, explosions and comedy. It's one of those that just immediately drags me back into childhood. Put it on for some random 15-year-old today and they may say it's shite, but fuck them and their stupid hair. What do they know? It is of a time and for a particular generation, and when you're one of the lucky few - like me - who cares what anyone else thinks?
A Quiet Place: Day One (2024) - 5/10
Never known a cat to play such a major part before. And I fucking hate cats. Never expected it to be as good as the others once I found out that a whole new set of people were behind it, and I was right. The best part about A Quiet Place 2 was the first 20 minutes when the aliens land, so this should have just been that but five times over from five different cities in the world. That would have been a much better watch. Imagine 20 minutes of them fucking people up in as they partied in the Tokyo nightlife followed by 20 minutes of them fucking people up as they eat lunch in London followed by 20 minutes of them jumping from gondola to gondola fucking people up in Venice. No story arc, no heroes, no character development and certainly no fucking love story. Sign me the fuck up to that.
The Holdovers (2023) - 4/10
This is exactly what I expected it to be which, generally, isn't a bad thing, but my expectations were low, which almost certainly is. I do like Paul Giamatti but his presence usually means it's a certain type of film. And that type of film isn't for me, although others would disagree. So yeah, if you like him and his films then crack on. If you don't then maybe just lash Aliens on again instead.
Facing Monsters (2021) - 5/10
This is very slow for the most part and only really gets interesting towards the end. I also feel they could have made it much more interesting by doing a bit more around the accident itself. The accident sort of just happens and we move on quickly from it. A shame.
Foxtrot (2017) - 6/10
The best thing about this film is the performance of the actor who plays the father. It's incredible. The film itself is interesting enough but a bit mad in the way that some foreign films can be. I was also pretty disappointed with the ending, so whilst it gains a point due to the father's performance, it loses one because of that.
All of Us Strangers (2023) - 4/10
I really like Paul Mescal and he's great in this too. I had no idea what to expect and, to be fair, I'm just as unsure as to what went on even after seeing it, hence the low score. It's a crazy film but one which I'm pretty sure I'll watch again at some point.